One of the most requested files I have is for my "Couples Money Workout" as it is helping save marriages by giving couples a tool to discuss money matters without throwing food or calling in the SWAT team. I recently recorded a segment with a fabulous couple, Chris and Kathy Hansen, for a major media news show. Once it's going to air (later this month), I'll announce the show and the date.
When Bob and I were first married we didn’t like to say that we “argued” about money. Since he was a born spender and I was a born saver it was natural that learning to manage money as a couple would require a certain amount of give and take—but the word “argue” was just kind of negative for newlyweds like ourselves. So we called it “intense fellowship” instead! We learned that there was a right way to approach this dreaded topic and a very, very wrong way.
One of the things I did before I talked about the One Hour Money Workout for Couples, with the Hansens was to play a game—the Newlywed game, in fact! You can do this by getting 12 pieces of paper (or cardstock) and two big markers (like they use on the show) and get ready to learn some things about your mate! Answer each of the following for yourself and your mate and have your partner do the same thing.
1. Complete the sentence, when it comes to money, I wish my partner would stop _______.
How do you think your spouse answered this question? ___________
2. If you won $1000, what would you do with it? ____________________ How would your spouse spend it?____________________________
3. How would you answer this statement (circle one) “I would rather have: money * beauty * brains.
What would your spouse circle?________________
As you answer these questions, I think you’ll find that you and your spouse are different. You may discover that you didn’t know as much about your mate as you thought you knew or vice versa! But part of any healthy relationship is realizing we are different and we can give each other permission to have their own thoughts and feelings about financial matters. The goal, whether you are a newlywed or you’ve been married forever, is to communicate effectively about money, get on the same team and find financial freedom!
As we prepare for the workout, it’s important to establish boundaries and do a little bit of preparation work as well. Here are some things to keep in mind as you set up boundaries and prepare:
When Bob and I were first married we didn’t like to say that we “argued” about money. Since he was a born spender and I was a born saver it was natural that learning to manage money as a couple would require a certain amount of give and take—but the word “argue” was just kind of negative for newlyweds like ourselves. So we called it “intense fellowship” instead! We learned that there was a right way to approach this dreaded topic and a very, very wrong way.
One of the things I did before I talked about the One Hour Money Workout for Couples, with the Hansens was to play a game—the Newlywed game, in fact! You can do this by getting 12 pieces of paper (or cardstock) and two big markers (like they use on the show) and get ready to learn some things about your mate! Answer each of the following for yourself and your mate and have your partner do the same thing.
1. Complete the sentence, when it comes to money, I wish my partner would stop _______.
How do you think your spouse answered this question? ___________
2. If you won $1000, what would you do with it? ____________________ How would your spouse spend it?____________________________
3. How would you answer this statement (circle one) “I would rather have: money * beauty * brains.
What would your spouse circle?________________
As you answer these questions, I think you’ll find that you and your spouse are different. You may discover that you didn’t know as much about your mate as you thought you knew or vice versa! But part of any healthy relationship is realizing we are different and we can give each other permission to have their own thoughts and feelings about financial matters. The goal, whether you are a newlywed or you’ve been married forever, is to communicate effectively about money, get on the same team and find financial freedom!
As we prepare for the workout, it’s important to establish boundaries and do a little bit of preparation work as well. Here are some things to keep in mind as you set up boundaries and prepare:
- table all financial talks until your couples money workout time
- no condescension or negativity
- no interrupting your partner when they are talking
- no name calling
- no throwing food
- start by saying one positive thing to each other
- end by saying one positive thing to each other
- create an environment that encourages comfort and success
- have a timer on hand - for each segment in the workout
Bob and I developed a one hour money workout because we thought that if our “money talks” had a start and a finish they would be a lot less painful. We knew we wouldn’t get all our problems solved in just one hour, but we also knew that if we kept at it, we’d make progress. Email me and ask for the "Couples Money Workout" and you'll find a miracle happen in your marriage, too!
Ellie Kay
America's Family Financial Expert (R)
