A Grounded Pilot and A Flying Wife

Being married to “The World’s Greatest Fighter Pilot” has its ups and downs, and one of the things I discovered about my man is: His feet are restless while on the ground.

He flew fighters for a decade before I met him and eventually accumulated 4500 flight hours in seven different jets. There’s one phone call that a pilot’s wife always waits for, but hopes will never happen. I got that call two years ago when I was in NYC on business and at a Broadway show. The five minutes it took to check my voicemail during intermission forever changed our lives:

Bob had been in an accident and broken his back.

He punctured his lung, broke four vertebrae and four ribs on a gas and go in Abilene. He had just flown his last sortie: a fluke accident that happened during a routine delivery of a jet.

Bob did recover his health and is able to maintain a pilot’s license, but his back will not sustain an ejection seat aircraft. While he enjoys “flying” the Global Hawk as a civilian contractor and Cessnas as a pilot, but he always gets a sad look in his eye when a fighter flies by. I didn’t understand the depth of his loss until something amazing happened to me.

I got to fly in a fighter.

After bringing the “Heroes at Home” message to military families in 7 countries, at 100 venues, and traveling 300,000 miles to do this, with 500,000 military families reading my work and 1,000,000 military families having seen my presentations and work…the Air Force rewarded me with an incentive ride.

Bob and Joshua were also invited to Seymour Johnson Air Force Base, home of the 4th Fighter Wing and the world’s most lethal tactical fighter: the F-15E Strike Eagle. They flew the simulator, but I was to fly the real deal.

I went to the flight surgeon, egress training and physiology. At the 333rd FS Lancers squadron, we were met by LTC “Rosie” O’Donnell, who took us to briefing that was led by Captain Ryan “Goat” Roper, he told me to think about the mission and how we would fly over Kitty Hawk at 1000 feet and view it from the back seat of an F-15E. His Weapons Systems Officer, Captain Sriram “Fuze” Krishnan, told me to drink a bottle of water after I asked my pilot if I could take off my air mask so I wouldn’t get sick.

Then the big man himself, Colonel Pat “Moon” Doherty, the 4th Fighter Wing Commander, could have been “Cool Hand Luke” because his demeanor was both calming and compelling. He said he knew I’d be fine and I believed him. But when we got ready to step to the jet I noticed something that surprised me about Moon. In fact, I noticed it in all the air crew for our two ship sortie—there was an excited gleam in their eyes. It was as if they were little boys but instead of being excited about playing baseball, their collective countenance said, “we get to go fly jets today!” It was the same look I’d seen on Bob’s face when I watched him launch out into the wild blue yonder.

I put on my g-suit and harness, grabbed my helmet and air mask, tucked in those pesky air sickness bags into my flight suit and we were ready. Excitement overtook me as I realized I was truly going to do this thing—I was going to fly in a no kidding, real world, operational fighter with the second best fighter pilot in the world (Bob always has to be the first).

We signed out the jet, stepped to the hanger, met the amazing maintenance crew, pre-flighted the aircraft, strapped on 30 tons of sheer power, and taxied down the runway. At the end of the runway, while we waited for clearance to takeoff, Bob and Joshua met us in a truck and took a gazillion pictures. There was a wistful look on the World’s Greatest Fighter Pilot’s face. He never would have dreamed that his wife would fly in the one fighter he had always wanted to pilot, but never did.

Moon and I were cleared for takeoff and we watched Goat and Fuze roar down the runway and head into a vertical climb. Then it was our turn, no going back now! As we blasted down the runway, the afterburner screaming, we took off on the wildest ride I’ll ever had this side of eternity. We pulled about 5 g’s in a straight vertical climb and then a sharp turn out to sea. The one hour car drive to the coastline took 8 minutes. It gave a whole new meaning to the bumper sticker that says, “If I were in my F-15E, I’d be there by now.”

Fuze snapped photos of us airborne as we rose above the clouds. Moon asked what I wanted to do as he didn’t want to push me. But I was game for low levels, aileron rolls and what I call the loop-de-loop. I battled airsickness by doing every I’d been trained to do to avoid it—and Moon was right, I was fine.

We flew a formation approach (ten feet from the other airplane), then flew back out in the traffic pattern for a couple more approaches. After 1.7 hours of flight time, we could say, “The Eagle has landed.” I was beyond euphoric to have flown in this premier jet with a big time pilot and not get sick. We taxied back to a cheering crowd and when Bob learned that I held down that wonderful breakfast that Dee Dee Doherty made us earlier in the day, he gave me the highest praise that could ever come from a fighter pilot when he declared in all seriousness, “Beloved, I am as proud of you today as I was every day that you gave birth.”

****************
I learned some things on the hot tarmac on that humid North Carolina day. For one thing, we have the finest group of military professionals in the world. Each team member I met that day was very secure in their place on the team and performed their duties with pride and professionalism.

I learned that big boys still act like little boys when they get to do what they love.
I also learned why Bob loved his work for 30 years and how hard it was for him to have his feet on the ground.

But most importantly, I learned that as much as my man suffered from clipped wings, his love for his wife and excitement over her living out a bucket list dream was greater than any thing else.

Ellie Kay
America's Family Financial Expert (R)

Letters From Home

Dr. Dobson said that a good parent will eventually work themselves out of a job & we are quickly approaching that "jobless" state! We launched child #6 (out of 7) in the Kay Clan as Bob, Philip and I dropped of Jonathan at the United States Air Force Academy. It's in lovely Colorado Springs and Philip, our newly minted 2 Lt in the Marine Corps was on hand for the honor of seeing his hairless little brother off.

The president of the AOG (Association of Graduates) gave us a briefing, saw Philip in the audience and asked, "What are the best 4 years of a Naval Academy graduate's life?" We were thinking it was probably his four years at USNA, but the correct answer (according to the Air Force Academy graduate) was actually "Third grade."

During BCT (Basic Cadet Traning), it's similar to other military training scenarios in that there is NO communication other than the written letter. No phone calls, texts, email or facebook. This "cold turkey" withdrawal is tough on the military member as well as the family, but it is also similar to some deployments into the war zone or other "classified" areas. If you have a loved one who is in this kind of situation, no matter what kind of communication you are allowed, it's important to remember the following things:

• Happy

• Jonathan (and Bob when he was deployed) were intent on their training and in a very difficult environment. My letters to my son don't include bad news or griping or complaints. I've written about funny things that our grandson says or good news about my work. There will be plenty of time to catch him up on the not-so-good stuff later, but right now, he needs to be focused and just get through. Keeping the letters lighthearted really helps him.
  
  
• Home-y
• No, I don't mean that kind of homey. I mean that news about home, even though it may sound mundane is good. For example, our little puppy, Belle, was tethered in the living room (because of potty training) and I left the room for 10 minutes only to find that she had COMPLETELY chewed through the magazine rack---scattering loads of paper, cardboard and a huge MESS in the living room. When Bob was deployed, I told him about the kids nap schedules, play dates, trips to the store, etc. Bringing a bit of home to a military member also brings a sense of normalcy to his or her life. It communicates that the things we take for granted are sometimes the most precious parts of life.



• Help
• We let Jonathan know that we are here to help. He needed us to mail him his volleyball shoes because he was asked to help work out the intercollegiate girls Division I Volleyball team. (What a lucky guy). He knows we're here to next day air those shoes. He can't receive any other packages right now, but he knows that our church, friends and family are all praying for him. This is the biggest kind of help of all!
  
  
• Hope
• Philip gave his baby brother a few words of advice on how to get through BCT. He said, "take it a meal at a time." I know that advice is helping him in the middle of all the chaos. Bob (a class of 1978 graduate) told his son, "If you are good enough to get into the Academy, you are good enough to get through." In our letters, we express our confidence that he's going to do fine. We don't communicate contingencies such as "Even if you don't make it..." He knows that we are here for him. He needs to know we THINK he'll make it through.
  
  
• Humor
• The heroes (those who serve honorably and put service before self) need to keep a sense of humor. That's why we send funny pictures of puppy Belle's latest antics...like how she always grabs Anna's leash (our 4 year old mini schnauzer) and pulls her around the yard. But those "heroes at home" also need to keep a sense of humor. At the Air Force Academy, the AOG has this wonderful service called "web guy" where a small group of photographers take thousands of pictures of our basic cadets. We sign up for this opt in service and see Jonathan communicating to us through pictures. He knows we'll spend HOURS scouring the site, so he'll smile at the camera whenever he won't get in trouble for doing so. It's his way of saying, "I'm OK, Mama and Papa."
  
  

I just read Jonathan's third letter home today. He was talking about waking up at 4:30 AM, getting "hallway PT" where he's yelled at for 2 hours. Then miles of running, marching, formation, rucking (marching with a pack), or sandbag (30 lbs) PT. He tells us about "drowning" where you start to fall asleep while you are marching. Getting a letter from CO to CA may not be as fast form of communication such as texting, emailing, phone calls and facebook. But it is a heap better than what the generations from times past went through. Telegrams or letters were the primary source of communication about their loved ones. When a letter came from a servicemember, the whole family would come home from work or school and read it together.

As Bob and I devoured every word, I suddenly remembered a packet of keepsakes I received from my Great Grandma Laudeman's legacy. Her only son died in World War II after surviving the Bataan Death March, only to have dysentary at a prisoner of war camp. There was a letter in the pile that was smuggled out and was not in an envelope or stamped. It was marked "his last letter home." He said, "I suppose you have been looking for a letter from me for quite some time. Well, maybe you will get this. I am entirely all right and there isn't a thing for you to worry about. I am eating so much rice that my waistline is getting like Dad's. I can't write on both sides of the paper, so I will have to close. Love you, Dick." The letter arrived two months after his death.

We value and treasure letters home. We thank those military men and women, as well as their families for their full measure of devotion.

Ellie Kay

America's Family Financial Expert (R)

Leaving Home 101 - Launching Money Smart Kids

My five-year-old son, Jonathan, was very mad and having a horrible, no good, very bad day. His three-year-old brother, Joshua, had taken all his favorite GI Joes and threw them in the toilet—again.
“I haffa tell ya’ mama,” He announced when he came into the kitchen where I was mixing a batch of brownies, “I’m gonna’ run away.”
Gazing at his determined face, I leaned down and met his eyes, “Well, we’re going to miss you around here, son. Let me at least pack you a lunch before you go.”
As a veteran mom of many, I knew Jonathan’s terrible, no good, very bad day would pass and that he was probably just going to his friend’s house to play. I asked his older brother, Daniel, to get on his bike and follow his younger brother to make sure he would only go as far as the Maerten’s house.
I dialed Leanne Maertens number, “Hey Leanne, is Jonathan there yet?”
I heard her doorbell ring, “Yes, I think he’s at the door now.”
“Well, he’s run away from home and I figure he’ll hang out until dinner. Let me know when he leaves.”
Fast forward a few years and Jonathan’s left home again—for good. He’s earned a $435,000 scholarship to The United States Air Force Academy. He learned that there’s a good way to leave home and a not-so-good way to leave. Here are the things parents can make sure their children know in order to leave home well.

Budget Babies
Before your child leaves make sure that you help them establish a workable budget. Go to my tools page at www.elliekay.com . The categories should include housing, transportation, clothing, food, entertainment, and (if necessary) tuition and books. Decide, up front, what they will pay for from their own work money and what you will cover. Ask them to send you a monthly budget report and review it with them. Look at this as an opportunity to coach them in right choices but beware of funding their failures by bailing them out on a regular basis. This is the time for them to learn to live on their own in a healthy way. A great resource is www.MoneyTrail.net , a free, online allowance and money management system for kids, teens and families. Kids & teens track their allowances, IOUs, cash and gift cards. They learn to make smart saving and spending decisions, too.

Bucks and Money Cards
Your college bound student will need banking accounts for checking and savings. Research banks (or savings and loans) that offer student banking programs. In our family, we like to get money cards like the American Express prepaid credit card that is safer than cash, do not require a credit check and are easily reloaded. With this money card, our college kids have the benefits of a debit or credit card without the liability or temptation to get into debt. They are convenient, safe and efficient—plus we can reload funds onto their cards either online or at our local store.
Now is also the time to educate your child on the dangers of easy credit. Direct them to order their free annual report from each of the three major credit reporting bureaus to make sure no one has stolen their identity.
Help your children set up their own credit card through your own credit card company with an "additional card" where you are the gatekeeper. You can set up credit limits and turn off ATM use as well. As they charge items that you were planning on pay for (such as books, rent, food) then pay off the balance each month, they’ll build their own credit score as well. Our son, Daniel, as a senior in college built enough good credit to prequalify for a townhouse! It all started with our involved effort to help him establish and build credit wisely—without getting into debt.

Borrowing and Student Loans
Parents often ask, “How do we pay for college, should we get a HELOC or a second mortgage?” I do not believe you should leverage the equity in your home (which is part of your future retirement) in order to pay for your child’s future. HELOCs (Home Equity Lines of Credit) are also a poor choice. Instead, look at a variety of scholarships, work study programs, and other options available through the financial aid office at the school. Another financially healthy option is to have your child attend a college you can afford. Our mantra for our college bound kids is: I will go to the school where I can get the best education possible for the least amount of student loan debt.
My oldest step-daughter took a year off school between her sophomore and junior years at Columbia University in order to work to help pay for college. Some employers will help pay for college as well. Exhaust all your options and think outside the box in order to minimize college debt. If you must subsidize tuition through student loans, then make sure the loans are in your student’s name and that they do not exceed $20,000 by the time they graduate from a four year college. Email assistant@elliekay.com and ask for the "College Crunch" file for dozens of great ways to get through college debt free!

Bagels and Broccoli
My daughter, Bethany, was graduating from high school and I decided to let her do our grocery shopping in order to teach her how to shop wisely when she was on her own at college. When she got the the bakery department, she exclaimed: “Wow! I can get this bag of eight bagels for less than this other bag with only six!” She was so proud (and so was I!)
Be sure your kids know how to price compare and how to read the store labels as well. Show them the “price per ounce” on the shelf so that they can recognize value. Walk them through the frozen foods section to compare the difference between buying fresh broccoli versus frozen and let them see the savings in frozen convenience foods versus fast food pizza. We also teach them to use www.couponmom.com in order to match up coupons with local sales in order to get items for pennies or for free.

Launching a child in leaving home can be costly and stressful unless you are strategic and purposeful in your planning. With the right moves, you can help your student finish well at home and start their new life with a healthy financial perspective.

Ellie Kay
America's Family Financial Expert (R)

Putting the Fun in Fundraising for Summer Mission Trips & Internships

Summer is the time for baseball, hot dogs, apple pie….and fundraising for summer mission trips and internships. Here's a pic of our daughter, Bethany, preparing for her summer internship at Trans World Radio. My hubby and I are the parents of seven, and we’ve raised money for all kinds of non-profit programs to include the National Youth Leadership Forum, Rotary Youth Commission, the Young Continentals, mission trips to Mexico, China & Thailand and an internship with Trans World Radio. Hopefully, the following ideas will help you raise the funds you need so that you or your kids can help make the world a better place.

The Benefits of Fundraising

I recently had a friend whose daughter wanted to do some work so that she could raise money to go to a mission trip to Mexico. After the mission trip was over, she told her mom that the fact that she had to work hard to get there (and work even harder once she got there) changed her life forever. Working to fundraise is part of the gift to the people you will be serving. It also seems to mean more, when you have to work for it (rather than mom and dad writing a check). Finally, another value of fundraising is that it’s good resume fodder for college applications and future internship work—it shows that you know how to be a servant leader when you care enough to contribute. For the donor, there is usually a tax deduction benefit if the organization is a non-profit and they provide proof of the donation (a letter or receipt).

The Bill – Can I Afford to Go?

I like to say that “if it’s God’s will, then it’s God’s bill.” But there’s a difference between faith and presumption. That’s why it’s important to crunch the numbers and take a hard look at any internship or mission trip. I.e., if it costs $5,000 to go to Austria for the summer and you start fundraising in May with no money saved and few prospects, then you probably need to try again next year. Figure out how much you will need, divide that by the amount of time you have left to raise funds, then look hard at how much you’ll have to raise each month (and week) and make an thoughtful and informed decision. For example, an August trip to inner city Los Angeles, cost is $300, you start in early June, that’s $300 ÷ 10 weeks or $30 per week you need to earn.

The Beginning – Where Do I Start?

You’re going to start with a lot of prayer and a really good fundraising letter. But before you write the letter, look at how much you already have toward the trip (in your savings) and decide on other fundraising activities. Are you going to sell chocolate from door to door in 90 degree temps and 90% humidity (like I did as a twelve year old to pay for camp)? Will you babysit, have a garage sale, wash cars, clean houses, host bake sales, get a part time job, etc? Include the following in your letter:
• Tell potential donors what the trip or internship is all about & who it will help
• Share your passion for what you’re going to do for others & why you want to do it
• List the fundraising activities that you plan to do in addition to sending the letter
• Keep the letter to one page, 12 point font, with 1.5 line spacing (easy on the eyes) and send them via snail mail—otherwise, they’ll get lot in an inbox
• Ask for funds toward the beginning of the letter—be up front about what you need
• Send them to friends, family, your Christmas card list, doctors, teachers, lawyers, co-workers, neighbors—anyone who knows you personally & may want to partner with you
• Indicate if the donation will be tax deductible
• Add a photo of the group you are helping (or of yourself) to personalize the contact
• Tell them where to send the funds (or include an Addressed Stamped Envelope)
• Send these out ASAP and keep a master list with phone numbers & email addresses


The Big Follow Up

Two weeks after you send out the letter, make contact with everyone on your list to find out if they received it. You can make follow up contacts via phone (BEST OPTION), email or facebook. Have a plan when you make the contact and develop your own script so that you won’t be nervous. Here are the things to say in the follow up:
• Mention their name early in the call
• Use positive language
• Give a one to two sentence description of your mission trip or internship
• Ask if now is a good time to talk
• Ask them if they have any questions
• Ask them if they can help out financially (don’t beat around the bush)
• Thank them for their time, even if they do not commit to a donation

Another part of follow up is to send thank you notes to every person who sends in their support. Send these within a week after receiving them. Don’t just send a thank you via email, but physically mail them a thank you card. Once the trip is over, contact your donors with a one page letter (including photos) of what you did and how it changed your life and the lives of others. Your donors will see how their money made a difference and what their partnership means. It also paves the way for them to contribute to other projects in the future.

Happy Fundraising!
You're Making the World Better
Ellie Kay
America's Family Financial Expert (R)

Mother's Day and Working Mom's - What Is Your Time Worth?

When I married my husband we had five babies in seven years and moved eleven times in thirteen years. I also had two stepdaughters for a total of 7 children to support. I left a nice job as a broker to have a more rewarding career as a SAHM (stay at home mom). One of the questions that I frequently heard was: Do you work?



“What do you mean do I work?” I would think even though I politely answered, “Yes, I work very hard as a stay at home mom.” Sometimes, an unsuspecting troglodyte would go on to say something totally thoughtless such as “Well, I meant do you really work. Do you have a job?”



I would bite my tongue until it bled….



What I wanted to say was, “What do you mean do I really work? I work a heck of a lot harder that you do, mister! I’m an accountant, a contract administrator, a chauffeur, a nurse, a soccer mom, a stylist, a wife, and a chef! Plus ten other job specialties! I do all these things as a mom—I’M A CEO MOM, MISTER!”



They usually didn’t ask the same question twice.



These days, as a financial writer and speaker—and a mom, I’ve talked with scores of spouses who work outside the home because of the status of our economy and by necessity--not choice.



Each year, Salary.com issues a report on what a mom’s time is really worth. According to this site, “Based on a survey of more than 40,000 mothers, Salary.com determined that the time mothers spend performing 10 typical job functions would equate to an annual salary of $138,095 for a stay-at-home mom. Working moms ‘at-home’ salary is $85,939 in 2010; this is in addition to the salary they earn in the workplace.” That’s a lot of worth associated with this great job of motherhood!



By going to

http://swz.salary.com/momsalarywizard/htmls/mswl_momcenter.html you can log into a calculator that tells you what you would be paid on the economy for all the work you do as a SAHM or as a mom who also works outside the home and inside the home!



How effective is the mom’s work outside the home? Does it pay to work in today’s economy with rising prices and a modest hourly wage? Many military spouses who move frequently do not often have the luxury of annual pay raises at the same company. For example, let’s look at Jennifer.



Jennifer was an administrative assistant who needed to work outside the home to make ends meet. She made an average wage of $8.50 per hour and felt she contributed greatly to the family’s finances. She only had one child in day care, traveled a short distance to work, and paid no state income taxes. Then Jennifer attended one of my Living Rich for Less seminars and was challenged with the idea of “crunching the numbers.” She completed our “Working Mom’s Compensation” form and was shocked. The online version of this is a “one income calculator” is found at http://www.crown.org/Tools/Calculators/Work_HourlyWage.asp



The amazing fact Jennifer discovered was, by working full time--she was making $3 per week! She didn’t realize how those extra pizza nights (because she was too tired to cook), and the trips to the beauty salon (to maintain a professional hairstyle), and all those lunches (away from home) added up! She realized she needed to make some dramatic adjustments. She decided there was a better use of her energy and quit her job outside the home.



But Jennifer didn’t stop there. She implemented some money savings strategies and is making ends meet at home. She has less stress in her life and the freedom to contribute to her family’s financial needs through saving money and by launching her own homebased writing business. In her case, a penny saved was more than a penny earned.



Jennifer’s Salary – The Working Mom’s Compensation Form



Gross Income Per Week Jennifer’s Yours

($40 hrs @8.50/hr) $340 _________

Less:

Tithe or donations (10%) $34 _________

Federal Income Tax (18%) $61 _________

Social Security Tax (6.2%) $21 _________

Transportation (10 trips/8mi/@.45/mile) $36 _________

Childcare (1 child) $90 _________

Meals/coffee (@$7/day) $35 _________

Convenience foods at home $29 _________

Extra clothing (includes cleaning) $12 _________

Beauty Shop $14 _________

Other (‘I owe it to me’ items) $5 _________

Total Expenses $333 _________

Net Usable $3



Time Spent:

On the job 40 hours __________

Lunch 5 hours __________

Travel/Commute 5 hours __________

Total hours away from home 50 hours __________



Once you come up with a figure, ask the big question. Is my time, energy and effort worth ______ dollars a week? You’ll be surprised at how painless it is to cut back and save your family a significant amount of money. It’s not magic, it requires work and dedication. After all, not all compensation is measured in dollars and cents.

On the other hand, you might discover that it is worth it and that’s still a great choice—one that works for you and your family!



Whether you are a SAHM or a mom who works outside the home—you’re work is priceless in terms of all you do for your family and for others. You deserve a Happy Mother's Day! Thanks for your hard work, you’re leaving a legacy through your children that will last for decades to come.



Ellie Kay

America's Family Financial Expert (R)

The Family Road Trip

When I was ten years old, I wrote a report on King Ludwig’s Neuschwanstein, also known as “The Disneyland Castle.” At that time a dream to see that fabulous site was birthed in my mind. Three decades later, I was able to fulfill those travel dreams, debt free, thanks my work in helping people save money.
Your travel dreams might come true in 2011, thanks to a recovering tourist industry. Here are some trends and tips to keep in mind when planning this year’s travel.

Flyer’s Market A recent poll conducted by USA Today/Gallup Poll indicated that only 16% of respondents plan to fly more or stay more often in hotels this year than they did last year. In fact, 30% indicate they will travel less often. This means there will be better travel deals for those who do their research and take advantage of the bargains that become available.
To take advantage, start by subscribing to the top travel email alert sites and check them daily in order to begin your research. Some of the best alerts are found at travelzoo.com, kayak.com, smartertravel.com and travel-ticker.com . Be flexible with your destinations and get even more savings. If a cruise to the Mexican Riveria ends up costing ½ of what a trip to Disneyland costs, then readjust your expectations and save the mouse ears for another year. Also check out the info from last week's blog.
Then compare the alert prices with values found at the one-stop shopping site called BookingBuddy.com . At this site, you’ll find deals from 140 travel sites including Orbitz, Travelocity, Expedia and Priceline. When in doubt as to whether “now” is the best time to buy your flight or package, go to bing.com’s Price Predictor to see if prices are likely to rise or fall in the next week. But before you click “buy” be sure that you’ve also gone to a coupon code site called RetailMeNot.com to enter additional codes that might get you an even better deal.

Fun Eats and Tech Savvy Treats Since you’ve already signed up for the email alerts on the best deals, be on the lookout for specials in your destination’s area. For example, on travelzoo.com, I received notification that Restaurant.com was running a special where $25 gift certificates were on sale for only $2. Since they are good for twelve months, I entered zip codes for our vacation areas and bought five different $25 restaurant certificates for a total of only $10! You can also go to entertainment.com, enter the zip code of your destination and look at the coupons and values for attractions, hotels, restaurants and more. These coupon books cost around $35. There are also money smart social media sites, such as FatWallet.com, that list great bargains across the country. Other savers post their experiences on the “deals” so that you know whether it’s worth your time and effort or not. I recently found a post for a free coupon for grande lattes at Barnes and Noble where there wasn’t a limit, so I printed four coupons. Three of my kids and I enjoyed free drinks—all courtesy of the FatWallet bloggers.

Fab Phonesdeals If you have a smart phone, then you know that the online world of travel deals make instant savings more gratifying than ever. If you haven’t signed up for a social networking site such as facebook or twitter, then you could be losing money! From these sites you can discover “flash sales” for everything from air travel, theater tickets, restaurant deals and hotel sales. It’s also a great way to get insider information. Another way to use your phone is to find out which TSA gate to go through with the new On the Spot System’s iPhone app that lets users rate TSA screening checkpoints.
“Check in” to your flight at Foursqure, a free app for iPhones, BlackBerrys, Palms and Android phones. There are also apps to order room service before you arrive at the hotel (apps for Hilton, Doubletree, Embassy Suites). These apps will save you time and we all know that time is money. To get the best value in a travel or vacation related app and to find out which ones might be free, go to the review site Appolicious.com.

Faith Tourism In the midst of a struggling global economy, one bright spot for the travel industry is the upswing in faith tourism. If you’re stationed overseas, you may be one of the more than 300 million people are traveling this year for religious and pilgrimage reasons. So if you always wanted to go to see the Western Wall in Israel, then this could be your year. Go to GoIsrael.com and click onto their specials to plan your journey. There, you’ll also find tips, such as: 1) staying at a kibbutz or guest house is cheaper than a hotel, and 2) buying a pass to all the country’s national parks save a lot over buying them individually.
So whether you’re going to Germany to see the original Disneyland castle or driving to Anaheim to see the replica—you can have the vacation of your dreams and your dream can remain debt free as well!

Savings Site Favorites
Hotels.com – Find best prices on hotels internationally and earn bonus stays
Ifly.com – terminal maps, estimates on how long security lines are, where to eat.
Flightaware.com – track flights by airline and flight number within 5 minutes of real time.
Elderhostel.org – worldwide educational travel adventures with 300 learning vacations designed for grandparents and grandkids
NPS.com – national park service website offering $10 park passes to seniors 62+
Sierraclub.org/outings - family camp programs that provide affordable camping and hiking
Astc.org. - Association of Science Technology Center with seasons passes to all participating science museums.
AMN.org– buy a reciprocal pass to multiple art museums.
Otalo.com – vacation house rental deals
Tripkick.com – detailed info on hotels and specific room info
TVtrip.com – photos of lobbies, rooms and neighborhoods
Oyster.com – pros and cons of different hotels
Voyij.com – checks best sales, promotions and package deals from departure city
Seatexpert.com – guide to the best and worst airline seats
Smartertravel.com – gives real price of airline tickets with all fees including charges for blankets, sodas, luggage and seats with more legroom.
Tripadvistor –traveler reviews on hotels, package deals, airlines and destinations
Airfarewatchdog.com – dealhounds post latest and best deals all day long.
Tripfilms.com – see traveler videos of hotels, restaurants and activities

Happy Trails to you!
Ellie Kay
America's Family Financial Expert (R)

The Sixty Minute Money Workout

Today's blog is a test: do my kids read my blog or not? For example, here's a pic of my son , from a few years ago, making a New Year's resolution to be more buff. He's now a senior, how long will it be before I'm forced to remove the photo.

According to a recent survey (Source: Auld Lang Syne) 40 to 45% of American make one or more resolutions each year. Among the top new year’s decisions are resolutions about weight loss, exercise, and money management or/ debt reduction.
The following shows how many of these resolutions are maintained as time goes on:
- past the first week: 75%
- past 2 weeks: 71%
- after one month: 64%
- after 6 months: 46%
While a lot of people who make decisions during the new year do break them, research shows that making a decision to change is useful. People who explicitly make resolutions are 10 times more likely to attain their goals than people who don't explicitly make resolutions.
If you are wanting to make a decision to get fiscally fit in the new year, then take a look at my newest book, The Sixty Minute Money Workout (Waterbrook, 2011) Let’s go through each part of the workout:

Boundaries:
As people prepare for the workout, it’s important to establish boundaries, here are some of the things that you need to know before you begin.
First of all, people need to understand that you don’t have to be a couple in order to do the workout. You can do it by yourself, or with a trusted friend, or even a family member who isn’t your spouse if you are single. But whoever you do the workout with, it’s important to set some boundaries to prepare:
• no condescension or negativity
• no interrupting your workout partner when they are talking
• no name calling
• no throwing food - :-)
• start by saying one positive thing to each other
• end by saying one positive thing to each other
• create an environment that encourages comfort and success
• have a timer on hand
• Do the pretest to prepare you for the work. Each pretest will vary according to the chapter or topic you choose.


Part 1 - 5 Minutes - Make Up Your Mind Warm-Up
Here is where you set your timer for each section. When the timer goes off, then move on! In this section, you set the topic for the hour and begin with a "can do" attitude. It’s important to begin by saying or doing something positive. If you’re working out with a spouse, then begin by taking your spouses hands, looking into their eyes and saying something affirming.

Part 2 - 10 minutes - Strength Training
While step one was to start with affirming words and decide on your money topic, this next section is a time to write down goals on paper so that you will have a tangible and objective standard to work toward. Decide how you would like to see the topic resolved today, in six months and what the outcome of your goals will be in the long run. This gives you both a temporary focus (for today) and a long term focus (for the next few months) as well as a big world picture (for the long term.) Your goals will depend on your topic of the day. For example, if you are discussing a budget your goals might include: a) to set up a budget that is real and workable, b) to stay on that budget for the next six months in order to learn how to spend less than what you make, c) to have a budget become such a habit that it is a financial vehicle that will get your family out of consumer debt, help you pay for your kid’s college and fund your retirement.

Part 3 - 20 Minutes - Cardio Burn

In this step, you give feet to your goals. If you’re setting up a budget, then you write down the specifics and course of action for your topic of the day. This may not seem like a lot of time on this section, but realize that you may not get it resolved during the first workout. The key is to keep the discussion moving and work on what you can, whatever you missed, you can get the next time around. Go to my tool section for free online financial tools, http://elliekay.com/financial-resource-center.php

Part 4 - 20 Minutes - Taking Your Heart Rate
This is the point where you do any “work” that needs to be done after you’ve written a step by step plan from the previous section. For example, if you need to save money on your expenses in order to live on the new spending plan you set up, then you could spending this time on quick ways that will save you hundreds of dollars:

1) Save on Tax Preparation - Go to www.TaxAct.com in order to prepare and file your federal income tax return for free. This free software asks you all the right questions to make sure you are getting every deduction that you have coming your way.

2) Save on insurance – Go to www.progressive.com to compare auto insurance. It only takes a few minutes to get several quotes from different companies. You can save as much as $500 by shopping around.

3) Save on groceries – When you can combine sales, coupons, double coupons and store coupons, then you can save thousands of dollars every year on your grocery bill. We’ve saved over $160,000 in the last 20 years by doing this. Go to www.couponmom.com and enter your zip code they will show you what is on sale and what coupons match up with the sales items to get things for pennies or free.

4) Save with Social Media – By going to the www.facebook.com page of your favorite retailer or signing up to follow a beloved restaurant on www.twitter.com, your savings can add up to hundreds of dollars every year. Social media followers are often the first to know about limited offers or free items. For example, my college student daughter, in Chicago follows her favorite cupcake store and by saying the word of the day, she gets a $5 cupcake free. That’s a savings of $1865 every year! Somedays, she gives the cupcake away—so she saves and shares!

Part 5 - 5 Minutes - Congratulations Cool Down
The workout has gone by quickly and now the last 5 minutes are dedicated to the “Congratulations Cool Down.” End your workout and sit back, grab a glass of something cool to drink and reflect on all you've accomplished in just one hour! You started on a positive note and you’re going to end positive as well. Take this time to tell your partner one thing that you appreciate about today’s workout in order to end the discussion well.

Keep in mind that just as you don’t get physically buff in just one workout, your finances aren’t going to get in shape after the first try either. But after you and your mate have exercised with this money workout a half a dozen times you’ll find you are making progress that can revolutionize your finances in only an hour a week!

Ellie Kay
America's Family Financial Expert (R)

Thanksgiving Family Tradition - Our Thankful Tree

There are some family traditions that are passed along from generation to generation. Then there are others that we establish for ourselves.

Well, it's time (again) for the 22nd annual "Kay Thankful Tree"!

Yes, for over two decades now, we have been collecting the following statement from our friends and family:

____________________(state your name) is thankful for __________________.

We print your message on a "leaf" and tape it on to our "Thankful Tree." At the beginning of November, the tree is bare, but as the season goes on, it gets full of your thanks. We then save each leaf and put it in an envelope marked 2010.

The photo here was our family featured in Woman's Day magazine from a decade ago. The photographer took 8 rolls of film just to get this one shot. There was an entire roll, where Joshua (the youngest) was missing and we didn't notice. We found him in the other room, playing with his army men because he was bored with the photo shoot.

We have leaves from way back when Daniel was thankful for his dinosaur, Philip was thankful for his red blankie, Bethany was thankful for flowers, Jonathan was thankful for his pacifier and Joshua was thankful for his sword!

So please don't forget to add what you (individually or as a family) are thankful for this year!

Ellie Kay

ABC NEWS - Q&A From Military Members & Families

Here's a "Hero Shot" of hubby Bob and his F-4 Phantom, that he flew up until last year when a jet incident caused him to break his back. Thankfully, he is fully functional, but his injuries will not allow him to fly an ejection seat aircraft. The good news: he's gainfully employed flying "regular" airplanes and also the Global Hawk UAV (think the high tech airplane on Transformers).

We had a lot of questions when he had that accident and I speak with a lot of military members and their families who have questions about their lives and finances as well. Some of these fine people were on ABC News with me recently for a Q&A. Here's the recap for you to share with others you know who are in our armed forces. The questions that made it on ABC NEWS won a free copy of their choice of my books! But here are the answers to many more questions.


Q. Is SGLI enough insurance for families or do you need an additional supplemental insurance? From Melody O’Sullivan

ELLIE: SGLI is relatively cheap, term group life insurance that is offered to members of the military on active duty, in the ready reservists, members of the National Guard, members of the Commissioned Corps of the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration and the Public Health Service, cadets and midshipmen of the four service academies, and members of the Reserve Officer Training Corps. The insurance is also offered to spouses as well.
Servicemembers’ Group Life Insurance coverage is available in $50,000 increments up to the maximum of $400,000 for members of the military. The price for this insurance is very cheap, so it’s certainly a good value. But is it enough? If you are a young family with only one or two children, then it could be enough. But if you are a more senior servicemember with a lot of family members depending on you, then you might want to buy some term supplemental insurance. Remember that once you leave the military, SGLI is no longer available to you. So if you know you are going to separate in the next couple of years, then it would be a good idea to get a modest supplemental life insurance policy in place.

Q. As a “Key Spouse” how do we encourage other spouses to take advantage of all the benefits the military has to offer? From Starr Vuchetich

ELLIE: Thank you, Starr, for your volunteer work with other spouses, you are to be commended as should ALL our Key Spouses! There’s an old saying that “you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.” Your job, as a key spouse, is a difficult one. You know the benefit of taking advantage of the services and perks available to military families, but others have to decide for themselves. The best thing you can do is to lead those spouses by example and express the benefits you are personally receiving from taking advantage of, such as free childcare for volunteering, free financial counseling, free oil changes (or whatever program your base offers), as well as the many benefits listed at sites such as www.militaryonesource.com or www.ourmilitary.mil

Q. How did you arrange childcare during deployments with very little money and how did you maintain sanity with so many small children on a tight budget?
From Jana Baez

ELLIE: I do remember what an incredible challenge it was when all my kids were so young and my husband was gone for weeks (or months) on end. But the first thing I did was plug into all the “free babysitting” I could get. Go to the Family Support Center and see if they offer free childcare for those who volunteer. I also got on site childcare provided when I attended Army Family Team Building classes, so sometimes you can get a break and learn something, too. Don’t forget the community outside of the base gates, either. There are a number of churches, community centers and MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) groups that try to support military families during deployments by offering free “Mother’s Day Out” programs or onsite classes where childcare is provided. Last, but not least, form a babysitting co-op, where you get tickets for every child you babysit for every hour. You can “redeem” your tickets with other co-op members and it serves as a way to escape for a while as well as a playgroup when you are watching other children.

Q. How does one begin a business without acquiring debt?
From Chana Montgomery

ELLIE: In the case of a military family, you need to start a business that is completely portable and can move with you. It’s important to select a homebased business that requires little initial investment and will still yield an income to keep you in the black. Do your research and talk to a mentor at SCORE.org where you can get free business counseling in your desired field. If you follow your passion, you’ll be far more likely to succeed. Just email assistant@elliekay.com and ask for the “Homemade Business” file, we’ll send it to you for free as it contains all the information you need to be successful in your endeavor.

Q. When you have extra income flowing in, is it better to work on paying off debts or continue paying normal payments and stash the money into savings?
From Emily Haffner

ELLIE: The answer is “both” if you pay even $5 to $10 more on your credit card minimums, you’ll improve your FICO score and begin to pay down that debt. But you also need a safety net in savings just in case your car breaks down and your husband is downrange and not home to fix it. The optimum savings goal is to have 12 months worth of living expenses. But even if you just save up to 3 months (and keep adding to it little by little) you’ll be better prepared for rainy days.

Q. I have three children and I wanted to know if I should apply the new 9-11 GI Bill to the first child (not knowing how long it will be around) or should I split it up among the children.
Stephanie Berg

ELLIE: Because the Post 911 GI bill is relatively new, and because we don't know how Congress will vote to continue this practice, it may be best to take the money while you can. It's still important to have your child go to the most affordable school possible, get scholarships and other means of payment. But go ahead and use as much of that GI Bill money as you can to pay what you can on your oldest child's college. In the meantime, the money you would have put toward his/her college (from your own 529 plan or other savings vehicle) put into another college fund for your other two children.

By funding more on the other two children's accounts, your money will continue to grow as the market continues to rebound. But in the meantime, you will also be able to take advantage of the current bill. Do not give your first child his/her saved "college money." Instead, put whatever you have saved toward the other two. You can tell your oldest that his/her college money is coming in the form of the POST 9ll GI bill. Because you don't want the youngest two to be stuck with student loan debt that the oldest child did not have to accrue.

Q. With limited funds, what should be the priorities for the best use of financial planning? Should I invest in the TSP (Thrift Savings Plan), IRA, life insurance or mutual funds? Major Anthony Smith

ELLIE: Once you’ve paid off your credit cards and funded a 12 month savings account, then you are ready to take your investments to the next level. It will depend on your family size, retirement needs and current income. I do not recommend life insurance as a good investment tool, even though agents may point you toward that route since the commissions are significant. Better to max out your TSP benefit since those funds will still be available to you if you do not make the military your career for a twenty year retirement requirement. It’s also a good idea to get a ROTH IRA or regular IRA. Go to your Airman and Family Readiness center and ask for an appointment with a financial counselor. It’s free advice and the expert there can look at your entire financial picture to help you come up with the best method of investing. Or try the military friendly company, USAA, they help to fund a lot of military events and can offer good advice on mutual funds.

Q. Being that you moved many times during your military career and have many children, how did you present it to the children when you had to PCS (Permanent Change of Station)? From Kristie Fromer

ELLIE: This is the hard part of military life, Kristie, and thank you for your willingness to go through this. One of the advantages of having so many kids is that they were sure to have built in playmates wherever they went! When we told our kids they would have to leave their friends, we allowed them the freedom to grieve and be sad over leaving. But we were also positive about where we were going. We printed out materials about the new base and all the places we could visit and where we would go camping along the way. By focusing on the positive, while allowing them the freedom to express their feelings, we had healthy, adjusted kids and a well bonded family.

Q. If your auto is less than two years old, is it a good time to refinance? We retire in 2011 and will be buying a house wherever my husband starts his second career. Is this wise to do before buying a house? From Lisa McClain

ELLIE: Refinancing a car will cause a hit to your FICO score, but it can be a good idea in order to get you a lower interest rate. I offer two words of caution: 1) refi at least six months before you get a home loan in order to give your credit time to recover and 2) refi with payments that will end at the same time your original loan would have ended (otherwise, you're just paying interest over a longer period of time.) For example, if you have 3 years left on your car loan. Then refi the loan for 3 years (instead of 4 or 5).

Thank you for your service, military members and your families. Remember three things:

• America loves you
• We support you
• And together we'll be all right!

Ellie Kay
America's Military Family Expert (TM)

College Grads Avoid Debt Trap

Son, Daniel graduates from college in this happy snap and it's that time of year when proud parents of the class of 2010 gather to watch their children graduate from college. I was recently talking about this topic on ABC NEWS, Good Money where you can watch the clip.

After the hats are tossed, tears are wiped away and the celebratory cake is gone—the graduates will begin their new lives in the real world. But this year’s graduating class faces a wretched job market where there may be as many as five candidates for every job. Consequently, one of the most daunting tasks becomes the challenge of not falling behind on student loans. While challenging times can build moral fiber, you don’t want to build character by getting involved in the debt trap.

Q. First of all, what are some of the consequences that graduates face by getting behind on student loans?

Ellie: As a mom of kids in college as well as a recent graduate, I know personally, how difficult the job market is and what a challenge these graduates face. First of all there will be interest charged for late payments as well as fees that will inflate the amount they owe---and chances are good that they owe too much as it is! If you default, the government could garnish your wages and withhold your tax refund. Not to mention a huge hit on your FICO score, when you’re just starting out and trying to build a good score that will help get lower interest rates on a car or a house. This isn’t a good way to start your post-graduate life!

Q. But you say there is good news and that these dire consequences are avoidable, as least as far as federal student loans are concerned. The key is to understand your options and take action before you fall behind on payments. The first tip you list is to understand your grace period, when do students have to start paying back these loans and how do grace periods vary?

ELLIE: Borrowers typically have a few months after graduation before they are required to start repaying their federal student loans. For most federal student loans, the grace period is only six months. Most loans have up to ten years to repay. It’s important that you contact your loan provider and find out when the statements begin—especially if you haven’t received notification yet.

Q. What if the graduate has trouble finding work or they find an entry level job that typically doesn’t offer much in the way of compensation? Is there recourse for the amount they are required to pay for their loans?

ELLIE: That’s an excellent point and it brings us to our second tip, they need to find out whether they qualify for the income-based repayment program. Under this program, your loan payment could be reduced, based on the amount of discretionary income you have available. In most cases your loan payments won’t exceed 10% of your total income. After 25 years, anything you still owe on the loan will be forgiven.

Q. Is this income based repayment program an automatic enrollment or does the graduate need to apply for it?

ELLIE: You definitely need to apply for it by contacting the company that is servicing your student loan. If you’ve moved a time or two and your loan papers have not been forwarded to you and you are not sure who services your student loan, then you can go to the database of the National Student Loan Data System.


Q. Is there some paperwork you need to compile before you apply for the income based repayment program?

ELLIE: Yes, it’s important to have this paperwork on hand in order to streamline the process because you do want to get this filed as soon as possible—especially if you’re in danger of being late on loans and you have a genuine financial hardship due to your current income levels. You’ll need to authorize the IRS to provide last year’s tax return to the Department of Education. If you feel that your tax return doesn’t reflect your current situation, there’s a form you can use to show how your situation has changed. Get info on these forms and criteria, as well as links to major student loan servicers at the Project on Student Debt.

Q. We’ve looked at income based repayment, but what about those who need a quick, temporary fix? Maybe they have to take an unpaid internment at first or they may have a job that will become available in six months. Are there options such as deferment or forbearance available to this class of graduates?

ELLIE: If you are unemployed, still in school or experiencing economic hardship, you can apply to have payments on your federal student loans deferred for up to three years. If you have subsidized Stafford loans, which are provided to students who demonstrate financial need, the government will pay the interest on the loans during deferment. Interest on unsubsidized Stafford loans will accrue during deferment. If you don’t qualify for deferment, then you still might be eligible for forbearance, which allows you to put off payments for up to three years. It’s harder to qualify for deferment than it is for forbearance because in forbearance you will still have to pay interest that accrues.

Q. Does it take a long time for the paperwork to go through for these kinds of programs we’ve discussed: income based repayment, deferment and forbearance? Couldn’t a graduate find themselves in default by the time the paperwork is processed?

ELLIE: It’s important that you continue to make full payments until you’re notified otherwise. It takes longer for income based repayments and doesn’t take as long for deferment and forbearance because the latter two are temporary relief from loan payments. Whereas income based repayments could be longer term, depending upon how long you are in that job, making that salary. It’s important to look at forbearance and deferment as short term fixes and not long term—that’s why it’s really important to file for these right away, while you’re looking for a job. But if it looks like your payment problems will last longer than a few months, you definitely need to look at income-based repayment.

Q. Some graduates have huge student loans, in some cases, they have more than $30,000 in principal and interest. It is especially difficult for these grads to face this mountain of student loan debt. Can they extend the payment term in order to get through the first few years?

ELLIE: If you are a borrower who owes more than 30K , most lenders will allow you to extend the term beyond the standard 10 years, thus reducing monthly payments. The amount of interest you pay will increase, though, particularly if you extend payment over the maximum term of 25 years. And who wants to spend the next 30 years paying off a student loan? So I would only recommend this option as a last resort. Try to pay it within the standard 10 year term so that you can avoid thousands of more dollars in interest.

Q. Finally, we’ve discussed federal student loans, but a lot of viewers may hold private student loans that they have to repay. What are their options?

ELLIE: Well, the outlook is not as sunny for those who have private loans. They have fewer options. Private education lenders don’t participate in the income-based repayment program and they’re not required to allow you to defer payments, even if you’re out of work. If you’re having trouble with your private loans, read your loan agreement. It may require that the lender grant you forbearance under certain conditions. Even if your contract doesn’t include an economic hardship provision, your lender may be willing to provide relief. Some lenders have become more flexible in this post-great recession environment. You could ask for interest only payments or even to change the terms of the loan. For more information, go to Student Loan Borrower Assistance

Ellie Kay
America's Family Financial Expert (R)
http://www.elliekay.com/

Buying a Home: It’s Easy to SAVE BIG on Closing Costs

I remember when we sold our home in New Mexico and relocated to California!

We learned to save a lot more on closing costs than we ever thought possible.

If you are considering buying a home, shop carefully for lenders and be sure that you negotiate, negotiate, negotiate with the LENDER as well as the SELLER. When discussing closing costs and fees, make sure that you don't over pay. Here are some key "dos" and "don'ts" to keep in mind when negotiating fees and costs with your lender:

Do Ask for a Good Faith Estimate -- Within three days of applying for a mortgage loan, lenders are required to give you a good faith estimate (GFE) on costs. Look at GFE sections 800 and 1100 for the following fees and be prepared to haggle lightly for reductions.

Don’t Pay for Inflated Credit-Report and Courier Fees - Some lenders are charging up to $65 for pulling your credit report. That is unusually high, considering the fact that credit reporting bureaus only charge $6 to $18 per report. Using the same tactics, some lenders charge courier fees for shipping your closing documents for as much as $100, while the majority of overnight express services only charge $22. Tell your lender, up front, that you refuse to pay any more than the going rate for these services.

Don’t Pay for Document Prep and Administration Fees - The origination fee should include these services, so don’t pay them! Ask your lender to waive these fees.

Don’t Pay for Yield Spread Premiums - Lenders increase your interest rate slightly to include origination and other fees so you don’t have to pay them out-of-pocket at closing but some lenders and mortgage brokers are double dipping—by charging both the fees and the higher interest rate. If they advertise "pay no closing costs" then this is what they really mean. Ask your broker directly if a firm charges you a yield spread premium. If so, you shouldn’t pay any additional fees.


Don’t Pay for Padded Title Insurance Fees - When you are shopping for lenders, look for all the above, plus look out for those who don’t tack on a lot of extra charges for services such as title search and document preparation. Theses can add hundreds of dollars to your closing costs and they really should be included in the price of title insurance, which depending on where you live, can be as high as $6,000.

Do Ask for your HUD-1 A Day Early - Federal law requires lenders to give mortgage applicants a copy of their settlement form at least one day before closing, but many won’t give it unless you ask for it. Compare the HUD-1 with your GFE (good faith estimate) and bring any errors to your lender’s attention.

Ellie Kay
America's Family Financial Expert (R)
www.elliekay.com

Family Time in Israel

Israel is a great place to raise families? The American mom of the two children on the left made this statement to me. It may sound surprising, but I can see why she says it. As I blogged earlier, statistically, it's safer here than living in California. But here's the proof: children as young as five years old walk themselves home from school. They are from good families and have responsible parents--but there's no need to fear for their safety the way I would as a mom in the US. That was one of the strangest sights in downtown Jerusalem and other parts of the country. I love America and have no plans to move to Jerusalem, but I do have to acknowledge the startling contrast in other cultures.

The photo on the right is me at Mt. Carmel, where Elijah battled the prophets of Ba'al and God allowed him to win the victory. The guide reminded us that according to the story, Queen Jezebel got so angry that she swore she'd take his life. Then he ran and got so discouraged that he sat by a Juniper tree and wanted to die. This is a good lesson to remember that when we battle our own "Jezebels" we don't have to live a defeated life.

We've also seen the western wall, garden of Gethsemane, Via Delarosa, the Temple Mount, the Dome of the Rock, Golgotha, the (empty) tomb, and dozens of other sites. The tour was put on for us by the Ministry of Tourism and they kept us (a group of journalists) busy 10 to 14 hours a day--we got the most out of our time away from home.

This whirlwind trip is about at an end and our small group was able to do twice as much in 1/2 the time. But after vising 50 sites, the photo on the left was the highlight of my trip, getting to see a precocious pilot and a pretty princess having fun in a restaurant. Their dad runs a great tour group site that will work with larger groups as well as families to help make this dream trip affordable.

So instead of planning a trip to Disneyland, consider visiting the center of three major world religions. It's a trip that will forever impact your life!

Ellie Kay

America's Family Financial Expert

http://www.elliekay.com/

The Bunny Has Hopped Away

OK, this post is going to be very different--and very personal. If you've been reading my blog, you know me to be a "Texas Woman" meaning that (to quote the movie The Rookie) "I don't need no man around to keep things running." I'm pretty methodical, talking about finances and giving practical advice.

With the exception of a few chick flicks and the time I broke my foot on a toy vacuum cleaner, the kids have rarely seen me break down and cry. I don't know if it's all these years as a fighter pilot's wife, where I had to remain calm when a jet went down in the squadron (he just had a fire light go off in the cockpit last week.) Or it could be the fact I was raised with the responsibility of an adult. But I'm just not usually a typical girlie girl--at least when it comes to tears. All of that changed this past week.

After I followed all my own advice and got our daughter ready for college (scholarships, books at http://www.campusbooks.com/, dorm room gear at the site to store of http://www.walmart.com/) it was actually time for her to leave home. She's the first girl I've launched.

I've been crying a bit since Bethany (aka Bunny) left on her college road trip on Weds morning. As I think about her, I realize that she has only been a joy and delight. Yes, we argued about grades, picking up her room and the occasional 'tude when her evil twin, Stephanie, showed up. But unlike the arguments I've had with some of the guys throughout my life, Bethany was never mean. She was never cruel. She was always a delight.

She's where she belongs, at Moody in Spokane and then she'll go to MBI in downtown Chicago--all tuition paid. Bob and I worked ourselves out of a job--preparing her to launch out on her own and follow her unique path in life. She is surrounded by a great group of young women who are very sweet, seem to be thoughtful and others-centric. As a farewell gift, Bunny gave me a beautifully framed photo of her and I at her "farewell" dinner where Bob and I took her to a fave restaurant. It was a really good pic, we are both smiling and happy. She also gave me a tear-wrenching note, thanking me for what I've done for her. It is very special.

When our oldest son left for college there was grief at the bittersweet changing of seasons. When our next son left, he was in such a state of readiness to launch out on his own that the greater grief would have been for him to stay. I thot it would be "hardest" to send the first to college and I knew it would be somewhat hard to send off my daughter, but I was surprised by grief. I seem to cry constantly.

I go to the grocery store and start to get Gala apples because they are Bethany's favorite. Then I realize she's not home. I start to take out the trash and look around the floor for one of many of Bethany's pairs of shoes to throw on while I walk outside (she's notorious about leaving them lying around). But they are all gone. I'm doing stuff at home and realize I need to go check the mail out at the post office and don't have time, so I think I'll just ask Bethany to stop and do it while she's out. But she's not just out running errands--she's not here.

She's only, always been a delight and joy.

Ellie Kay
"America's Family Financial Expert" (R)
http://www.elliekay.com/

Valentines Day

Valentines Day.

Bob gave me a sweet card and a Lladro figurine of a "Bride and Groom Couple" which was beautiful. The male was in a top hat, the female had delicate flowers in her hair. And did I mention they were dogs? Yes. Very cute, it made me howl with laughter when I opened it up, especially since, at that very moment, our dogs were jumping on me and wrestling. fun. fun.

Philip mailed me the sweetest card and signed it "I love my mama." Bob gave Bethany flowers, a CD and a card and Philip gave her the most wonderful "Sisterfriend Valentine" card, too. I gave the little guys chocolate and a $15 Starbucks gift card. Bethany gave Bob Sees candy.

The little boys did the "Oh, crud! I forgot about mama" routine and then Joshua announced,"Uh, when you can go out to eat, Papa and I are going to take you." While Jonathan said, "And even BEFORE you gave me this card, I was going to say that I would take you out for a Frap for Valentines." Yeah, right. I told them that this last minute, oh-crud-I-forgot-so-I'll-just-think-quick-and-make-something-up-and-hope-she-won't-notice routine was NOT going to cut it. One day, I told them, when they had wives, they were going to have to have some forethought and at LEAST fill out a card that says, "This card entitles you to a free dinner" or something other than what they did. They smiled sheepishly, hugged me and thanked me for the gifts.

Then there's Daniel. He had the biggest Valentines Day in the family--a day early. Yes, my baby boy got engaged last night! It was really sweet, he asked everyone's permission ahead of time (Bob and I, her mom, her dad). Then he took her to their favorite place, the Botanical Gardens in FTW, and at sunset, he walked her over to a fence, got down on one knee and proposed. He said he was nervous and didn't say what he really wanted to say and he kind of fumbled, but he made it through. She started crying and couldn't stop. The ring he got her was diamonds and emeralds (her birth stone) and one she picked out. It is beautiful--simple and elegant.

Then they went to eat at the Cheesecake Factory and he gave her my book, The New Bride Guide that I had autographed to her already. On the way home from the restaurant they called me and were punch drunk in love. He was gloating at how suave and clever he was and she was just crying for joy. He's the one who called and he said, "Well, guess who has been engaged for the last couple of hours?" I guessed correctly. Then I asked to speak to her and let HER tell me how he proposed. She started crying again just retelling the story. I welcomed her to the family, told her she would be a great asset and that we loved her already. I told her that I knew she'd take good care of my baby boy and while he would officially be "hers" now, he will ALWAYS be my baby boy.

When Daniel got back on the phone, he said, "Well, mama, your baby boy did it right!" He was oh, so smug and oh, so happy and just plain drunk on love. But before he hung up he said, "But I'll always love my mama!"

And so it begins...

Bob's Million Dollar Bargain

As many of you who have read my books already know, I'm a born saver who married a born spender. I was born six weeks early, on Dec 28th, just in time for my parents to get another income tax deduction. Bob was already working, pulling weeds at the age of seven, but his money never saw the inside of his pocket. Over the years, he's learned to spend less and I've learned to spend more and we've come to balance.

Bob's latest venture is saving money on the ultimate remote control airplane! He says that spending 1.3 million per airplane for jets that are destined to get blown up (without him in them) is a "real bargain" for the government. He even mentioned that I made him promise he wouldn't fly them for free when he went to the job interview four years ago! For the complete three minute news story and to see what my Beloved does in his free time, just go to:
http://www.myfoxphoenix.com/myfox/pages/InsideFox/Detail?contentId=5028894&version=2&locale=EN-US&layoutCode=VSTY&pageId=5.7.1

Happy Flying!

Ellie Kay

"America's Family Financial Expert" (R)

http://www.elliekay.com/